Monday, November 08, 2010

Moving forward

Things happen in life where you take a step back and begin to contemplate where you are heading.
I recently posted on the facebook fan page that I am taking a break from drawing for money and gave a very vague description of why.
There are very few people who actually know the real reasons why, and some who like to mock me for it. I hate having to defend myself.
Even more so I hate having to defend myself to the one person who pushed me so hard to draw for money more frequently and start "A Shade Better Than Stick Figures" as a legit business. I'm left feeling frustrated and utterly alone in my decision. And since this person's feelings have come to light about my decision to take a break, I've heard from several other people- who don't know the whole story that have the same negative things to say to me.
I understand that people are a little confused about why anyone would want to take a break from drawing for money. I totally understand that. Is there something that you do? Craft wise maybe? Or something creative wise or even mechanic wise? Where you started doing it, because it made you feel happy? It wasn't about other people, just you. Then someone saw that you were doing something that they couldn't and asked you to do it for them- for money...and then someone else...and another person? And soon it's been 5 years of doing something for other people, and you no longer do it for yourself, and you can't understand why you just don't feel motivated or happy to be doing that something just because someone is handing you money? Does it make sense?

Anyway- I'm not tired of drawing. I'm not tired of money. I'm tired of the two being linked together as a means for me to have a second income and suck the life out of any creativity that I once had. I just want to draw when I want to draw, and I want to draw what I want to draw- not what anyone else is telling me they want me to draw. People may think that I'm squandering my talent by not sharing it with the world and selling portraits to people- "just because I can"...but to me, it's the exact opposite. If I continue down this path then I won't be who I know I am. My art is my own, and yes I want to be selfish about it for awhile. I'll still post stuff that I'm working on- but don't expect any portraits for awhile. Who knows, maybe I produce some of my best stuff to date while I'm being selfish...only time will tell.